Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
