Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
