Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
