He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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