So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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