If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i think my cat just said my name.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
