My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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