i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
