sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
