I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
