Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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