planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
