YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
