Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
