1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
