Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
