You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
