Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
