Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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