it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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