He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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