Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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