Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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