just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
