gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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