its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
