My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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