R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
