my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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