I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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