I wannas sexs uuuuu
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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