He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
