man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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