I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
