So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
