i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
