i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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