So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
