Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
