HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We got so high we made milksteak
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
