Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
