I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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