Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
