ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
