the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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