she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
