Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
