The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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