just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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