So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The air taste purple.
Randomize
