So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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