ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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