I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
